when i wake up there's always this feeling of disappointment that i get from the abrupt end of a dream, as if the generator that powers my subconscious landscape suddenly shuts off. it's a blackout of a blackout, a double negative, and i awaken to a haze until the morning light completely filters into my eyes and then into my brain and then into my soul... my first reaction is that i don't want to be awake, i don't need another day of feeling ostracized and unaccomplished and ruined... but then my babylon reconstructs like a movie about a crumbling civilization in rewind, and i begin to embrace the possibilities of the day, though a taste of futility lurks as i angle my back 90 degrees to my thighs and let the blood make it's way to my main processors. and then it's autopilot until my legs are dry and i've got socks on my feet.

i hate being the depressed little fuck who sleeps all the time and eats as if he's auditioning for the role of FAT FUCK in a movie aptly titled FAT FUCK, but whatevs. i never gain weight.

i'm losing any sass i ever had in me. i'm becoming the person people just don't want to be around anymore, and for those of you who can't see that, i ask, "WHY? i would fucking avoid me if i wasn't me, SHIT!"

CALL ME CHe, SHORT FOR CLICHe.

i've got a bad disease
i've found my brain is wear i bleed

I NEED TO BE FUCKING EXORCIZED.