i don't know why i always act like i'm surprised or indignant whenever a teacher comes down on me and reacts to my academic effort.

take today, for example, when i was honestly caught off-guard after ms. johnson said i was a "slacker." i know she had good intentions by it, since she also asked me "where is your famous movie?" which is of course unmade and belied in my mind somewhere, obscured by the common scapegoat of writer's block, but i was still rattled by the word "slacker." ms. johnson is just one of those teachers that i actually care about exhibiting any talent to; i actually respect her as a professional in her field, and to earn her favor by submitting a merit-worthy piece to a film festival would actually feel like an achievement of my high school career.

and then of course, there was ms. o'roarty, who, today, sent tyree, mustafa, devin, errin, and i to the library today because she caught us talking off-topic during class, and we all had wack-ass (or non-existent) test scores from a couple days ago. i wouldn't have cared so much, except she included me in that group because i didn't take the test, and i didn't take the test because i fell asleep. i couldn't help that shit! i wouldn't have been able to stay awake and concentrate even if i had tried, so i let myself pass out, which even in hindsight seems like a healthier decision than the alternative. what's she thinking, anyway? i'm going to get a fucking 5 on the ap literature test, she told me herself, so what the fuck is the big deal? do i sound like a cocky asshole right now? i do? good, because i am feeling pretty fucking cocky right now!

mr. bernal came in after school today, while i was making up a test in mr. heft's class. it's kind of funny to hear grown men talk so enthusiastically about airplanes, but everyone is entitled to their own quirky thing, i guess.

(mine is runnin' up on herbs who look at me cockeyed, and smokin' they asses.)