my head hurts and i can't go to sleep and fuck my stupid, slow internet for being stupid and slow.

i need to be around people constantly, not because i want to fit in and i'm needy, although i am, but because when i'm by myself with my own thoughts i begin thinking that either i'm god or that god is avoiding me. fear for me if i ever move out to the country by myself. the city, maybe even the suburbs, keep me sane.

fuck "down to earth" people with your "normal" heads and your blissful fucking lives. by most measures my life is great, but i can't appreciate it BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING RETARD.

self-disparagement is annoying, but so is everything i read on the internet nowadays (or since the dawn of blogger), and so i'm entitled to this. this. whatever the hell "this" is. and naturally, i'm in love with myself, so my favorite thing to talk about is me, except i'm always inspired to look into my own bullshit by reading everyone else's.

basically,

SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD SHUT THE FUCK UP WORLD because you make me feel so small, yet writing this makes me feel so much bigger, even though admiting to that shrinks your perception of me, and that in turn makes what's left of my self-esteem shrivel up and die.

maybe i just need to go to sleep and wake up naked.