i think i've been so critical of the ugliness i see in [and on the outside of] people for so long that i've sort of absorbed that negativity in a weird, undefinable quantum kind of way. i think i get uglier and unhappier the more i judge people. i am a bitch, no doubt, and it does bug me that i've internalized some shit that's made me into a monster. i need to restore my sexy, there's no doubt about that. repeat after me: joseph c. guanlao needs to restore his sexy (i.e. be sincerely nicer to the world) by any means necessary.

but how do you change something as imbedded to my personality as that, that that? if only being a prick could be turned off like flicking a light switch, or least be lessened like a lamp dimmer.

hmm.