contributions to the world, society, and most importantly that seemingly perpetual thing you call your personal life, all disappearing, all gone by means of a fated/unfated incident?

i know, i know. that's all gay shit to ponder, especially when your in a perfectly unshattered and complacent life-going state.

but i almost died last afternoon. seth almost died last afternoon.

i knew another seth when i was a wee-little spikey haired freshman. i remember seth saldana, my filipino brother in many forms, situations, and definitions of the word, asking the question, "what's the point of seatbelts? i think they're only installed in cars to keep us all in fear."

so said the acura-integra-expert-driving nihilist.

returning back to 2003, the seth i hang out with now is seth labrow, hopefully now a firm believer in seatbelts, and once the driver of a now totaled ford.

if you didn't get the point yet, we got into a car accident last night.

and shit. when my mom and dad got into a car accident last year, i didn't really think much of it. they were still alive, and that deleted any cause for worry. i never really thought about what went through their minds after that eventful day, and how it must have changed their lives.

or maybe it's just me, the impressionable, ever molding teenager, who saw my own life reshapen by similar circumstances which wouldn't have hit a fully grown adult as much.

hit.

17.

they say the movies you watch in your adolescence-late teen years are the ones that shape you, but what about the real life experiences with potentially devastating consequences - how do THEY shape you?

i wonder how i'll rate this to my first time taking acid. i guess i'll have to wait and take acid, and then see!

again, i reiterate, i felt my whole body being pulled forward towards that other car. i. was. in. a. car. crash.

i was in my school bus when it got hit by car a few years back, i don't even consider that memorable part of my life, let alone definitive.

and yet because of last night, i feel years beyond anything, like i'm 20 times older than i was a few days ago.

...i am the walrus. cuckoo-cuckoo ka-choo...

it's weird how some music makes a lot more sense now.

back to the point, if there ever was one: IF YOU SEE ME IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS, EXPECT A GIANT HUG FOR BEING ALIVE AND KNOWING IT. AND IF YOU AREN'T LOVING LIFE RIGHT NOW, EXPECT ME TO SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!

sorry, that was some tyree-talk coming out of me. i don't know how to act my age anymore, 'cuz i don't even know how to gauge my age!

the number 17 doesn't mean shit.

i have a lot more to say, but i'll reserve all of that for some other time. just know that i love everyone and that my blood is filled with flowers.

oh yeah, my mom cried and then we hugged and i hope she's over it now.

cuckoo ka-choo!