i want to be on top of a rock cliff, or on the upper levels of a skyscraper, or something. i want to be on an elevated plane, looking over everything and everyone.

maybe this feeling isn't temporary. maybe i've felt like this all of my life, and that's why people, especially my closest friends, think i'm an elitest asshole.

but at the same time, don't you want to fall in love with something? not necessarily a girl, though it would be nice, but with like, something?

i'm not trying to be vague. i just don't know what it is i live for anymore, you know? wondering why god let me live this long, wondering whether it's worth thinking about at all?

and if i wasn't sick right now i'd put on a sweater and take a walk right now. that's how i feel. and for the record, i never feel like taking a walk, because i'm always walking to begin with. and taking extra walks is like, for fucking flakes.

or not. maybe it's what i need.

it's like when you're in a car and the music correlates to the feeling you get when you press your face against the window and you feel like you're in a movie watching yourself?

or it's like when you stare at the sky and the blue or gray or magenta or whatever is ominously staring back, and you go crazy for it, because it's so big. the sky is big.

i could see myself falling in love with that new girl at school who had a baby and gave it up for adoption.

i am a needy bastard who has a dad so i'm not a bastard but still, i'm needy. i need dvds, lots of dvds; i need to clear out the space in my room except for a widescreen television and multi-channel sound system, to seclude myself in films that both suck and don't, so i can breathe both sides of the spectrum. i need my fingers to fly faster, so rather than sucking at the solo, i can be a virtuoso with bravado in the music itself, and not just run at the mouth like i'm doing right now.

i need to get away from the rilo kiley part of my playlist, because it's making me write like this. all teenaged up and shit,
cut.

ahhh..... rage against the machine.

CORRUPTED! EVERYTHING IS FUCKING CORRUPT YOU FUCKING SLAVE!

oops..... here we go. beck. (not of sea change)

i've been drifting along in the same stale old shoes..... and something is vacant.

i idolize miyamoto musashi and samurai of the same vein. i sweat though, vagabond is the shit.

OKAY MY PLAYLIST IS ON STEVIE WONDER AND I FEEEEEL SO SWEET, SO BYE!