so this is vacation. i wasn't really excited about it coming, and truth to be told, i'm really not excited about anything to come during the next two weeks. where the fuck is the holiday cheer.

i've been a big christmas person in the past, but i'm not really feeling it right now. maybe because i'm growing up or something. maybe because, yeah.

i've got to keep myself distracted for the next two weeks, or i'll fall into my annual winter depression. but it's hard. every love song i listen to makes me think of her across the ocean pacific. i wonder if she's having fun. if she even thinks of me. ever. did i do the right thing by telling her how i felt before she left? was it worth making myself vulnerable for more than two weeks before i see her again?

the fact that i'm turning into a total pussy must be agitating to you, the reader. i know it is for me.

but fuckit. fuck kit. fuck it. it's kind of funny, because ms. scheck heard me talking to roger in the hallway today when i said i'm not afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve. she chuckled. it makes sense. in fact, it fits my personality well, seeing as how i starve for mass attention, though on the other end of things, i tend to shun the social scene en mass. i love and hate people at the same time, and i feel like a loner when i go more into my own thoughts and heart and you don't care so why am i telling you shit?

i've got some things to do during break that will keep my mind on things, like applying for colleges and scholarships and financial aid and shit, and volunteer work and homework and fuck it all, fuck it all.

this time of the year is really getting to me. i need to put something strong in my eggnog.

here i sit by the tree all by myself - "the christmas song" by weezer