this is your life, young joseph.

i write this from first period web design. kim is to my left, doing a graphics assignment. daren dacanay is to my right, looking at the seattle post-intelligencer website. i am where i am, thinking.

next period, i am to take a test in american studies. god awful, there needs to be someone to tell me to "stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself," because i'm screwing myself in a grand and slacker fashion. grand slacker, yo.

the only thing is, i'm not proud of it. i'm not proud to be a lazy, unorganized, dirty slob. nowadays, i find myself constantly sluggish and without any will to do anything anymore. i could have studied last night, but i didn't. i could have studied this morning, but i didn't.

regret is a testament to who i am.

i find myself with my dreams being greater in thought than in the actual actions i take to pursue them. i've always thought my ambition and willingness to get where ever could take me places, but the only place i'm being taken to is a gutter-wet detention center in the middle of my mind. my head doesn't work anymore, it feels like.

i'm not an honors student. i simply lack the drive to be one. no honors student, genuinely in their heart, would say "fuck school." but i say it everyday.

and now i must go take a test, locking in my doom.

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WAIT A SECOND, AFTERSCHOOL WILL BE FUCKING HEAVEN!

i can't wait.