if you want to undo my sweater, pull this thread as i walk away

whenever something happens that i feel nears the indescribable, like my international trips and other personal experiences, i try not write about it with the fear of tainting something beautiful with a description that couldn't possibly give it justice. but i just want to say something about yesterday, because i feel like i need to, even if my two-person readership are the only ones to know.

yesterday i had my religious confirmation, and then prom several hours later. both events, in hindsight, strike me as sign posts to a greater distance down this inevitable road of growing up, growing the fuck up, with the constant fear of growing up to be a fuck up. i feel like over the years my body has matured, but my mind and soul, in their childlike and underdeveloped states of being, have not, and are trailing behind at an unsettling rate.

i suppose many people last night realized that it being their last high school formal, there isn't much time left ahead until we graduate, cry, and then move on, away from everything that we knew as high school, and towards a larger, hopefully more delicious oyster. but right now, i just feel scared.

even if it did turn me into a little reflective bitch today -- thinking about the past, pondering and worrying about the future -- prom was beautiful, nonetheless. all of the aspects of the who, what, when, where, why and how, culminated into something truly memorable, and not for shittiness either. i wonder what teachers feel when they see students that they have been with for four years reach that point, the last chapter before the epilogue, or better yet, the cliffhanger ending. i wonder what it will be like at our ten-year reunion, where everyone will be shiny again, but significantly older, endured to the ravages of some of the world's little (or big) toss-ups and mishaps. and so goes the list of reasons of why i, the kid in the observatory, sometimes feel a smirk in the corner of my mouth.

is it weird to play your life backwards in a rapid-fire slideshow, with the music of a string orchestra playing with an increasing crescendo in the background?

gyaltsen's idea of vintage will ruin all of my clothes with loose threads. i guess i can deal with that, since she puts up with my idiosyncratic behavior and neuroses more often than not.

jeepers.