american studies, or bust

for the past week or so, i've chosen bust. i haven't found it in me to get myself to read the text, and as with most of my classes, i've been winging it by. today, i surprised myself with a 19 out of 30 on the mulitple choice part of the test, but i still wrote half a page on the essay portion. for those of you who don't know, only half a page on a timed-write-essay is terrible. i spent most of the time during the essay drawing on my paper. i'm beginning to believe that i lack the capacity to do any of this - which by definition, makes me fucking stupid.

maybe it's just a lack of commitment. in that case, i'm still a moron for not trying.

one depressed kid

i swear, sometimes at school, i can be horrible zombie; detached from my enviorment, and easily prone to failing myself. yesterday, during lunch, i left my retainer somewhere in the school. i don't know if it was in the commons or the career center, but i left it somewhere. somewhere, some place, lost in my mind. i can't even think or recall upon a memory to its possible whereabouts, and it's taking an ill tole on my sanity.

mr. day said that a person who repeats a faulty action over and over again, without correction of their ways, is insane. i don't know anymore - i'm not a pychopath, but i'm sure as hell not fresh in the head.

during break today, i went to the lost in found, to see if someone had turned in my retainer. the last time i lost my retainer at school, i was successful in recovering it. but nay nay, today just wasn't my day.

i lose everything. just two nights ago, my mom found my keys for me, after thinking that i had lost them for sure. i have still yet to find my cell phone, which i also lost somewhere in my room.

my tendency to misplace things also reflects on me as a person; i have a very lost and convoluted view on life, and my apathy towards things doesn't really help anything at all.

i constantly get tired of myself.

a manifesto on homeland security

sorry rey, but i can't deal with shit like that.

a letter of gratitude and smiles

fortunately for me, i can find cheerfulness in something, or rather, someone. after realizing that i left my permission slip at home, for ms. anderson's class, i was lucky enough to have amy take me home during lunch to get it. after quickly stopping by my place, we went to her's. it's beautiful, i can say the least. i also got to see mason, her baby nephew. that little guy is so adorable! i didn't want to touch him though, because i know that the flu is going around, and the last thing i want to do is to get a baby sick.

she still plays pinkerton in her car. *sigh*

pedestrian diaries

during sixth period, mustafa and i paired up with brian and tyree, and we walked all around downtown renton to sell ad space for the school newspaper. we probably bought more stuff than we sold.

things i bought:

` one limited edition white chocolate kit kat bar, along with a regular flavored one (from who's store - 2 for $0.99)
` an issue of daredevil & elektra [#1] (from the comic den - $2.25)
` two pairs of mittens, one gray pair and one black pair (from value village - $0.98 each)

+ tax.

okay, so that wasn't a lot of stuff, but five bucks is still a lot for me. mustafa and i left ad information at armondo's italian restaurant and subway, and we think subway might actually call us back.

tyree tried to buy blunt wraps, and yet he was screwed by the i.d. process, once again. he walked in there, and it was possible that he could have initially bought them, but he didn't have enough money, so he ran out to us to get more of them. when he went back inside, the lady wanted to see his card. childish fuck!

after we came back to the school, i left to go to wendy's. JUNIOR BACON CHEESEBURGERS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER! 2 of them. i like to brag.

i ate the burgers while i waited for the 106 to come, and then i saw mustafa. the 106 stopped for ME this time, so i was the first person to get on the bus. it was pretty cool.

once i got off at my stop, these two black girls were following me home, and i turned around and realized that they were reading the stuff on my backpack. i have a sticker on there that says, "BEATS BY JAG," which was given to me by tyree. jag is tyree's cousin, i guess. i told them they could take it off of my back, and so they did, along with the sticker that has the web address for this site on it.

walking home, i began to realize that my eyes see the world in a much bluer hue. as much as we are in the fall season, with the dead red, orange, and yellow leaves, and as the wind blows through the trees, everything seems much more still and sad. it probably just me.

when i get stressed, i get sick too. i hope i don't get sick.

tyree called me a "semi-art fag" today. all i said was, "wow," which is my response to everything tyree says, because i shouldn't dignify any of his statements with a response - BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE AS TO WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

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there you go.