i spent the whole day in montesano. yeah.

new summer goal: become distilled.

gusto is still my favorite word, even though i don't feel like i have any of it right now.

i need to go somewhere far away
for at least a month
i can take care of myself
provided that my parents give me enough money
AHAHA
all my life i've been so scornful towards people
i guess everyone gets used to it
being rude is just being "joe"
man that's fucking gay
by the way i'm totally ripping this style of writing from roger and ben
isn't that the way great stuff is made
it's weird how this flows my consciousness differently
like i can say "i like girls"
but in the next line surprise you with
"that is, girls that don't piss me off"
'cuz goddamn i hate those fucking breezies
gone with the wind
get it, breeze is synonymous with wind
roger says he doesn't care what a girls mind is like
just as long as she's got that badonkadonk
but i don't know
sure, some girls are nice to look at
but i could never fall in love with any of them
i guess sometimes i fool myself into thinking that i can
because i get lonely sometimes
but then i remember that i ain't no pity case
i ain't no motherfucking bitch
i can stand on my own
as long as my mom is alive to help me walk
seventeen and a half years ago
i almost died
my mom believes prayer saved me
as much as i love my mom
i don't talk to god the way she does
of course i've memorized all of the catholic creedos
the our father
the hail mary
the glory be
all of those secret names for football strategies
in church i can say and sing every word
and sometimes i do
just to please my mom
and so my dad doesn't get mad at me
but church is bullshit
i'm a roman catholic until i move out of the house
i'm agnostic when my mom isn't looking
during church i always think about weird shit
like
would girls like me better if i wore tighter shirts?
like punk rockers
or if i wore bigger shirts?
like black people
man clothes are fucked up
thank god it's summer
fuck no shirts no shoes no service
i'm not wearing a shirt right now
i never wear shoes at home
and i can't afford to eat in restaurants
hence the service
so i don't give a shit
since i may have lost your interest
a couple dozen lines back
i'll write names of people in bold
because that always gets me
seeing my name in someone else's blog
woowee
roger is my director of photography, and i'm his d.p.
that's a pretty healthy relationship
if i do say so myself
when i think of linda
all i can think of is her waking up in her bed to my phone call
pretty weird
oh yeah i think about silk panties too
larry vo is rad
i saw larry bushnell the other day
man what a fag
but the coolest fag i know
a true blue hero of mine
seth talks a lot of gay too
this one time we bet seth
that he couldn't say something gay for a whole week
needless to say he failed
miserably
but he thinks he came through
unscathed
is a cool word
i wish mr. schmitz would have continued writing
he is one of those people who inspire me
to do something great
unlike tyree
who inspires me to jump off a bridge
he's so forthwright about his opinions
even when he's wrong
especially when he's wrong
it makes me want to squeal
"who died and made you the reincarnated descartes"
minh-tu is known for her ass
it is common belief
that
that is all we ever think about with the opposite sex
us males, that is
except i like to believe i am an exception
'cuz i have experienced enjoyable conversation
with females
believe it or not
plus there are a lot of skinny girls that i'm attracted to
i remember johnny thepvongsa
looking through a magazine
during ms. zuckerman's class, no less
there was this pretty hot model
but johnny was like
"too skinny, i need some meat to grab on to"
i distinctly remember that
'cuz before that i never really cared about tits and ass
"t&a" for short
i still don't
as horny as i am
i could never just stick a paper bag
over an ugly girl's face
just to bang her
i'd puke
face is everything
everything flows from the face
the face on a woman
is the fullest extention of her beauty
i don't have dreams about curves
as much
as i do about eyes, lips, cheeks
i live for a smile from a girl
more than copping a feel
you all need to see beautiful girls
"a beautiful girl is a beautiful thing"
as said by the great michael rapaport
i hope he's in the next season of boston public
i've felt jenny lyn's ass with the bottom of my foot
god we all know we're perverted
but we'd like to believe
that we're prince motherfucking charming too
what a joke it is to be a teenager
mike is cool
but his house is full of crackheads
mike you need to get a broom
and sweep these motherfuckers out!
or smoke them out
with tear gas
kim wasn't with us for the fourth
is seth her only link to us now?
man that is too bad
i want to see japan
kim is half japanese
like in that song by weezer
"el scorcho"
AHAHA ms. miller my spanish teacher
is such a cool lady
anthony is hispanic too
but not as cool as ms. miller
senora miller es muy dope
i don't have any specific reasons as to why she's cool
she just is
she's one of the only reasons i want to be at renton
next year
renton doesn't suck
as much as people would like to believe
some people have fucked up shit up their exit holes
like tridents
that's why they're so judgemental and stupid
sucks for them
tridents have three prongs
thrice as much ouch
my family is going through a lot of trouble now
our neighbors are threatening us by getting a lawyer
even though my parents pay taxes for that land
fucked up
and my uncle in paris is in critical condition
and all my brother can talk about is getting a ping-pong table
i wish he'd get a gamecube or xbox instead
my friends provide me an escapism
through their naivete
through their blantant lack of a long term view
through their senseless plans
through their need to fill in the emptyness
of their lives
with trivial pursuits
of creatively killing time
and ritually needless undertakings
of eating shit
but it's all good with me
since i'm no different
and perhaps worse
i've realize the flaws that come out of my youth
pretty bleek stuff
but i ain't doing shit
'cuz it's summer, cuz.

a couple of hours ago we were celebrating the fourth of july. blasted mortars smell like rotten eggs, it's fucking gross. the night before i remember being at wendy's house watching van wilder. it was year ago that i snuck in with brian and byron to see that movie along with resident evil. and then i remember two summers ago when ryan, byron, hannah and i went to see a bunch of movies, including baby boy.

vague recollections and deconstructed dreams. i'm writing out of my subconscious now; at the very moment i am neither awake nor asleep. i'm not writing out of my ass. i never write out of my ass. i write the way i think, in that everything is relevant in some form or another, otherwise i wouldn't be thinking about it at all.

even though i hang out with a lot of people, everyone is so into their own shit that there's some sort of distance between me and them. people think i'm always on my own tangent, but i think i understand everyone more than they'll ever know. i'm far, far away, but i see the macro-picture quite fine.

i'm bothered by many things but there's no use in complaining so i don't.

i'm beginning to write notable observations on post-it notes that i keep in my bag. something will come out of it, someday.

i wonder what it feels like to be inspired.

if you are looking for happiness never start a blog site.

even though i could never get serious about the shitty comic book movies they make now, nor the disappointing roles edward norton has been taking lately, last night at the drive-in was alright. even though i slept through a lot of the italian job, the whole night was a good excuse to just hang out and make up lines for eric banna and jennifer connelly in the hulk.

every scene in a movie between two good-looking actors is a pre-fuck warm-up. don't ask me, i didn't make the rules.

today was interesting, to say the least. in contrast to the large crowds i've been hanging with lately, i was mostly just with anthony and/or seth for the whole day. first we went to nick's house to swim at his pool, where the three of us took a shower together in the cramp space of a normal-sized bathtub while nick's sister and her friends watched us. don't worry, we had bathing suits on. a lot of conditioner was used between our three heads of hippie-length hair.

after that surprisingly untraumatic escapade, we journeyed to anthony's spanish abode, where we raided his fridge for nourishment. i had eaten a technically "old" burger from seth's car earlier, but i still required more eats.

coulon beach was terrible. there were these two guys on stage singing... terribly. think of an embarrassing christian act that tries to be funny but fails in every way possible, not to mention musically. these guys weren't only suck, they were pitifully annoying, singing about vegetables and touching 16 year old girls in their no-no place. what the fuck was exactly my initial response.

after coulon, seth and i went to yenvy's house. being the owners of the first pho restaurant in our area, yenvy's family is rich and their house is lavish. still, the house didn't really define the night as much as clear-pore-strips and cross-dressing. it was a pretty chill time. hammocks and a beautiful vista; i now have to make additions to my personal interpretation of the meaning of life.

i'm joking of course, you critical asshole.

when i got home i watched about schmidt. i'm not going to say much about films anymore, since i hate reviewing them for public account in the first place. the film is good, to say the least.

i think it's better that i write more about the days when barely anyone sees me. and i'm very tired right now.

baseball > roger's > drive-in movie (the hulk and the italian job)

even though it's summertime, i have no business being online this late. if i were out and about roaming the backroads of the pacific northwest country or just playing rock 'em sock 'em robots in my underwear with some friends i'd be fine. but i'm not. i'm a fucking zombieeeeeee!

last night we went from lai's house to lai's parking lot to the bridge near teasdale park to roger's house where i spent the night. in the morning we went from there to denny's to thrift shops to the mall and to this thai place for lunch. i've probably seen roger and anthony almost everyday of this summer, but i think this is the first time i hung out with elaine - ever?

SO WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK?

i need to read more this summer. i've had a little too much out-of-the-house excitement lately.

a new pack of fresh underwear would make me really happy right now.

yesterday, i woke up and went with my family to kim pabillion's birthday party for her 18th. filipino food... ahhh!

afterwards, we went to church and rented some movies. i was halfway through the hot chick (my brother's pick) when anthony called, and so we went to his house. a whole lot of argentinian people... ahhh!

watched some of the people there play some spanish stuff, old school.

it didn't occur to me that "ciao" is spanish. is it?

this morning i got up and watched punch drunk love. i don't know if that's the type of movie you people like to see, but as an adventurous movie-goer i'd have to say it was a pretty interesting movie. like magnolia, a movie i'm pretty ambivalent about, though perhaps appropriate for this movie, the pace kind of sucked. still, the cinematography was alright.

nevermind, i didn't really like it.

vanilla sky is pretty good, i have to say. penelope cruz... all about my mother is great. pedro almodovar is great. he was in one of the featurettes on the sky dvd. i spotted him like where's waldo? cameron crowe is alright, a cool guy, i guess. conceptually he's done some neat stuff in his past two films. jerry mcguire just wasn't my 'steez, but i want to see almost famous again, just 'cuz.

fuck movies. i'm not going to pretend that i know shit about anything.

except the kamasutra. i want to pretend to know about the kamasutra.

you put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you do the hokey pokey and you shake it all about.....