i bet i'm not the only boy who pisses sitting down

there are toddlers across the nation being potty-trained as we speak.

the other day i cut my nails and afterwards they smelled like the turkey sandwich i made myself the day before.

turning the turniquet around the neck

man, school is wonderful. well, not really, but it doesn't suck that bad. if i had a choice between school and pool, i'd pick school, even if 'pool' referred to swimming in a swimming pool. or billiards. how about a carpool? tool. duel to the death with yourself and the best, which is yourself yet again.

don't you feel redundant and trivial sometimes? or like an inept god?

shut up.

i think i've been so critical of the ugliness i see in [and on the outside of] people for so long that i've sort of absorbed that negativity in a weird, undefinable quantum kind of way. i think i get uglier and unhappier the more i judge people. i am a bitch, no doubt, and it does bug me that i've internalized some shit that's made me into a monster. i need to restore my sexy, there's no doubt about that. repeat after me: joseph c. guanlao needs to restore his sexy (i.e. be sincerely nicer to the world) by any means necessary.

but how do you change something as imbedded to my personality as that, that that? if only being a prick could be turned off like flicking a light switch, or least be lessened like a lamp dimmer.

hmm.