today's music of choice has been the rated r album, by queens of the stone age. i love that album, not to mention the band, and tyree does as well. that makes two of us, in the whole entire universe! i was also singing the song the distance by cake in my head, while i was running, for the first time in ages. hannah, i will bring that cd back, i promise!

MoneYiLLaSs: so what did you do today?
JOSEPHGUANLAO: i woke up at noon, danced in the living room until my dad told me the music was too loud, ran to dimmit and then lakeridge and then skyway park and then back to my house, ate, played guitar for too long, and then started some notes for amer. studies.
JOSEPHGUANLAO: I HAD TO TELL SOMEONE THAT, OTHERWISE I'D FEEL LIKE AN INSIGNIFICANT RAT!

i am in desperate need of someone to host my "photojournal." pretty please. is anyone out there?

JOSEPHGUANLAO: out fucking little girls again, are you?
mrchop kid S: lmao!
mrchop kid S: nah i was at a funeral

brad picked me up, and we went to baskin & robbins, to take a picture of steve for his fake i.d. pass for a lift ticket, so they can ski tomorrow. it's pretty cool to leave the house for a half and hour, knowing you're doing something stupid and wrong in an ice cream shop.

from just looking at the preceeding set of pictures, one would think that i'm a person who just hangs out with asians, which amuses me quite a bit because nothing could be further from the truth.

although, i'm not going to have "affirmative action" on my selection of images, so what you see is what you get, for now. just wait. the photojournal will rock your socks, as long as you are wearing some. this is what your socks being rocked would look like:

*rock!* *hi, i'm a sock!* *rock!*

okay. that was gay.

my 'asianness' is a funny thing. i bet non-asian people think that it's pretty weird to be an asian person, and granted, it is, especially in the united states. we have a social identity that is totally fucked. even i view other asian folk in stereotypes, boxing them into my comfortable set of asian labels: stupid asians, boater asians, stupid boater asians, and the macro-catergory of YOUNG ASIANS. young asians are the worst, especially young american asians that i don't know personally. GET A HOLD OF YOUR BRAINS, YOU FUCKS!

i need to get a hold of my senses.

however, still on that asian tip, i ate lunch today with two other filipino guys, roger and alan. imagine this, a car with three young filipinos! one would think i was overwhelmed with the ratio, but it was pretty cool. we went to burger king. alan drove his parents super nice toyota suv. it was so nice that i was afraid to leave fingerprints on the doorhandle. of course, if i didn't know it was alan's car, and that it belonged to an undeserving asian fuck whose parents got them everything, i would have keyed the shit out of it.

of course, i'm full of shit. at least that is what one-half of my split personality is saying, right now.

NO, THE OTHER HALF OF MY SPLIT PERSONALITY IS FULL OF SHIT! DIE! DIE! DIE!

okay. i'm okay now, although i now know how gollum felt in lord of the rings.

creation of the complete "photojournal" is pending..... i need time this weekend to design a layout and resize the photographs. since yesterday, i've been taking pictures in the smallest resolution size setting on the camera, so i'm able to take up to 94 pictures on the wee-little 16 MB flash card that i have right now. still, i don't think these photos are print quality, so that 256 MB card could be really useful right now. i also need to get a camera cleaning kit, because i can't stand the thought of my baby being dirty!

things to do (with corresponding numbers/measurements/distances):

- cut my toenails (0.5 inch)
- call kksi mcclain in massachusetts (2,500 miles)
- redesign this site (6 hours sitting on two square-feet of vinyl)
- take more pictures (lots)
- fall in love with life again (?)

attention: all young catholics who attend st. anthony's church.
subject: confirmation - THE FOURTH BLESSED SACRAMENT THAT YOU WILL RECIEVE IN YOUR LIFETIME, THE NEXT ONE BEING MARRIAGE, I THINK.
message: aiight all yous pOrNsTarS that be hangin' outs there and sheeeot, yous all knows that our parents be wantin' to get us confirmed and shit, y'all know? so... let's do this thing then, nahmsayn? maybe we'll be gettin' presents from our relatives after all of this is done, ya'heard?

ROGER? LINDA? any of you other devout devoties?? my mom says it's crunch time, though i really want to put it off until senior year because i don't want to deal with this shit right now, yo.

today, during lunch, i studied in the library. it was the best studying EVER. at first, i felt like i was missing out on all the good shit that happens during lunch period, but then i remembered that NOTHING HAPPENS AT OUR GOD FORSAKEN SCHOOL OF BORING SOFT KNOCKS AND DOWN-TO-EARTH IDIOTS, so why worry?

what. me. worry? ON AN ALFRED E. NEUMAN TIP!

for me, swimming always turns out to be a humbling and somewhat disappointing part of my day. in my head, i feel like i've improved a great amount, assuringly telling myself "i can do anything!" but once practice time comes along, i see how much i really suck. sure, at least i can go the whole length of the pool without stopping, but realistically speaking, the shortest race distance in a swim meet is two pool lengths.

the shortest race; a minimalist's medium.

i am THE slowest person on the team. granted, i'm happy for my brother, because he gets faster and faster everyday, rising the ranks, but other than that, i'm slower than a bunch of losers. funny looking losers. losers who get made fun of, alienated, and scrutinized for their unexcuseable moronic behavior. take rob morrow for instance: in my discussion yesterday with dr. muckerheide, he said this: "i've been a teacher for probably 35 years now, and in all my time teaching, i have never known a person with more screws loose than rob morrow."

okay, so it's pretty low of me to rag on a person online, especially someone of the underdog quality as rob. you'd think that, wouldn't you? WELL IT'S NOT THAT WAY. I AM THE HERO OF THIS STORY. ME. ME! ME!!!

i got the worst cramps of my life at the end of practice. my left leg felt like it was completely paralyzed, and i couldn't bend it for anything. my other leg felt like a giant rope tied in knots - KNOTS TIED BY SATAN HIMSELF. i guess i need more potassium in me, or some dietary bullshit like that.

i want ice cream!

highlight of my day: taking the sweetest fucking hot shower EVER after swimming in pool water that had been imported and defrosted ice, straight from the artic ocean.

highlight of my day: n/a

lately, i've really had the desire to go out and run. i think the first time that i am able to run will be a true catharsis for me.

i forgot to mention that i sat by dr. muckerheide throughout the whole swim meet. am i the only person who thinks he's a "cool" guy? he was talking about the futility of competitive girl's diving, because all the girls do when they "dive" is tip over and fall into the water. it was funny at the time, when he said it.

AIMLESSLY WALKING THROUGH EMPTY SPACE, FEELING DOWN THAT MY CONTRABAND EMOTIONS WERE CONFISCATED BY THE STARRIEST EYES AND MOST CRYSTALINE AND RAINBOW-MAJESTIC SMILE, EVER.

i feel like a fucking genius whenever i do homework; i feel like an idiot right now.

damn my predisposition to self-pity! i stopped updating my livejournal because my trip to england revitalized my self-esteem and my wonder with the world and my love for life, and it was getting too emo! emo is gibberish! yet i'm coming back to it! i hate the number 360! three hundred and sixty! it makes me want scream!

my friends don't understand that i don't try to be this way, and that i am this way, because I AM THIS WAY.

apparently my brother had a couple of anxiety attacks today, during school. first he went to the nurse, and then the nurse sent him to his counselor. the student counselor told him that he may be suicidal.

this is the behavioral trait of dna that we share.

i don't know what to think of this. ms. carter-perry most likely doesn't know what she's talking about, but my brother did describe some of the procedures and the discussion that he had with her. she is after all a student counselor, and as incompetent as she may be, she had to have gone through some schooling. she wrote a note to our swim coach, telling her not to stick him in the swim meet today, because it was contributing to his stress.

it may seem like a big joke, but my brother has to see the nurse and counselor at least once a week now. why couldn't i get this type of a attention when i was depressed?

on a lighter note, my dad yelled at me today, exclaiming, "YOU'RE THE ONLY WHO THINKS YOU'RE SO SMART! ONLY YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE!"

i've decided that i want to perform in the jordan one's, at least as a on-and-off trademark shoe of mine, when i become a rockstar and can afford a pair of vintage jordan's. for now, i'm the talent/income-less starving artist, in a pair of cliché chuck taylor's, waiting for the day when i learn to actually learn how to play the guitar.

OH GIRL, WHY DO YOU HIDE? WHAT SAFETY NETS, BODYGUARDS, OR PINK PASTEL FOAM CUSHIONS DO I NEED TO GET YOU TO COME OUT? OH GIRL? OH GIRL?

since i've been on a roll for verbalizing some fruity sayings on this site, as of late, i'll continue with a couple of lines from my teen-bopping-pop-high-school-boy-looking-for-trauma love song.

OH GIRL. I'VE CALLED EVERY LOCKSMITH IN TOWN, LOOKING FOR KEYS TO YOUR BUBBLE. THE LAST SHOPKEEPER I SPOKE TO SAID HE DOESN'T EVEN THINK THERE IS A KEYHOLE! OH GIRL! OH GIRL!

okay, so it's not in a song format, but that's the basic gist of the idea. i just want to say "OH GIRL" in one of my songs, however unoriginal and trite it may be.

don't ask me why, but i was reading the profile for the music group ladytron, and apparently this is from one of their songs:

"They only want you when you're 17, when you're 21 you're no fun"

needless to say, i became far more interested in this group when i read that!

no swim practice today?
damn it feels good to be a 'gangsta.

in the concluding spirit of my winter break's end,
my mother yells at me:

"YOU BETTER GET GOOD GRADES,
NO MORE SLEEPING LATE NIGHT LIKE THIS,
NO MORE GOING OUTSIDE"

what this means, i have yet to see.
i suppose it's not anything good,
but who am i to be the judge of that?

i think that if lived on my own,
i'd sit on the couch all day,
completely spaced out.
braindead.
comatose.
catatonic.
'doing nothing' is one of my most favorite things in the world.
maybe some of you couldn't see yourself living that way,
but i find it second nature to breathing.

my brain is a vestigial organ.

one of the many time-consuming things i do that mainly deter from my body to do important things,
like homework,
is my time spent looking at myself in the mirror.
i'm not as vain as you might think,
not as much as i am self-conscious.
i mean, UGLY ROCKSTARS are the most annoying!
i'd settle to just be a FUNNY-LOOKING ROCKSTAR,
than straight-up 'fuck-faced.'

i'm making up new year's resolutions as the year progresses.
it's how i always do it.

does anyone know who originally sang the song "spooky?"
i want to make a rock cover out of that song.
i already know dusty springfield covered it,
because i heard that version first,
off of the lock, stock, and two smoking barrels soundtrack,
which rj let me burn.

SPOOKY!

to break, or not to break,
this cycle of procrastination.

(a potential inscription for my headstone)

yesterday -

math at roger's. once again, talks of dropping calculus ensued.
we can always take it next year.
after everyone left, i stayed. roger and i goofed... off.
i always eat like a king at roger's house!
lumpia, cookies, sausage, cheese, crackers, pecan pie,
oh my!
don't forget the mint skittles.
i want to buy my own copy of suidoken III!
but if i did, i wouldn't have any time to play it.
roger has it MADE!
my vision of the american dream includes tons of dvds and food,
and roger has all of that at his house.
later, anthony picked us up, and we went to best buy.
THOSE BASTARDS ARE SOLD OUT OF THE STROKES ALBUM!
at least, i think they are. maybe i didn't look hard enough.

i'm going to take everything out of my room, except for my desk.
the times of change await!