if movies were once the chief escape for this bitter boy, he now seeks to fill his cd case with music that would provide the same effect. yes, he's running away from confrontation. yes, he's sad in every respect; both emotionally sad and sad in his poor, lacking character. and yes, he is weak.

360 degrees, he's back where he started. again. progress seems so unattainable, let alone happiness. no one wants to read about how unhappy someone else is, because negative energy begets negative energy, yet the boy is inconsiderate in this way as he is in other shades of his life. he is a living, breathing cliche, synonymous with teenager and shrouded in lethargy and angst. and yet he knows it, he understands the urgency, the need to just fucking deal. but he cannot.

for once in his life he feels the notion of regret, and it sucks. people expect a certain unseriousness about him, which illfully aches him so. he just wants the unexposed sincerity to be seen, but unfortunately, it seems, the story is not just about him.

because we all live in shadows, many times unknowingly and undecidedly, sometimes by the will of others.




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what have i become, my sweetest friend? everyone one i know, goes away, in the end.

i hate myself.