so here is the weekend. i feel obligated, if not forced, to do shit for shit. it'll be okay, i guess, in the long run. though i'm probably going to watch a ton of movies and end up not doing anything else.

they call me mellow yellow.

i have written so much in this space and various other non-public online and handwritten journals that words have lost all meaning to me. at least that's how it feels right now. radiohead is so relevent. kurt cobain wrote somewhere that words suck, and, indeed, they do.

i whine. indignantly. time to get out of this phase and back to happy days and careless romanticism.

platitudes.

today was a shitty day. i have to stop saying the word "fuck." i miss the good times.

i've been feeling really good about myself lately, and not because of the stupid bullshit you would think i would care about. just like, volunteering and shit, it's totally theraputic. i love it. tyree wrote about something like this last night, so i guess i've been having similar experiences. it feels great to help out and see families get some sort of decent holiday fiesta, though i'm still very indifferent to my own christmas. somehow other people's happiness is my happiness, and i don't know. it also keeps my mind occupied, which really what i'm looking for right now. this great satisfaction i get from all of it is most definitely something i got from my mother, who loves to help everyone so much that she forgets to take care of herself.

except, like, i'm way too fucking self-absorbed to ever forget about my own well being.

my lips. are chapped. as fuck. i swear, i need to really focus on moisturizing these suckers. it's really fucking up my game (a la recent endeavors). not that people notice, but i'm always overly conscious about it and i get all frazzled and shit, and then i can't perform. soft lips, and then love, i say!

my mom got me two seasons of stargate sg-1! this geeky sci-fi shit is exactly why cats think i'm a fuckin' homo. but it's all good in the neighborhood, yo, 'cuz i don't give a shit about what people think! unless you're a girl... and cute.

KA-YUTE!

it ain't right. it just ain't.

last night... what the fuck.

kickin' it with my homeboys and kickin' it with a bunch random ass seattle heads and kickin' it under the influence of the same stuff that is making my stomach uneasy right now. i'm going to try and go to that confirmation thing in an hour, but shiiit. a boy just needs to keep distracted.

on another note, youth large t-shirts fit me great!