i wonder if i'd be sent home from school if i came in nothing but a business suit made of duct tape?

da funk.

my head is totally all watery right now. i can't think straight. all that i can hear is the poor rhthym of the drum beat that i always play... da-da-dum-dum... and then i think about some shit... and then i get fucking nutso!

they say you take your life for granted when you are drunk, but right now it's the other way around.

viva la vida!

oh joy! i'm a teenage boy with a weblog! skittles!

today was the most wonderful day ever! i woke up at 2 in the morning to my dad hootin' and a hollerin' about cleaning up my room, and then i ate waffles! 4 waffles! waffles, the ultimate symbol of teenage rebellion! and before the waffles, i had a glass of milk! after that, i plugged myself into the idiot box for the rest of the day and then the hairs on my head withered and died!

total meltdown this day was too tubular!

while cleaning my room, i came upon photographs from the past couple of years. it's been a while since i felt like this, and now i really know something is lost. it's definitely fleeting childhood, definitely something - i'm not grown up, but i'm growing up, and what the fuck. this is not depression, this is realizing how the world really is and trying as hard as possible to not let it fuck me in my ass. i think. i don't know. i just looked at some pictures and reminisced over some shit, like being happy.

be on what you speak, never speak on what you be

i never thought i would ever quote something from anticon ever again, but that statement actually makes sense. i always talk about how fucking behind i am in school, but i don't do shit about it. i don't do shit, period!

so there should be no reason to complain about boredom, right?

well, we find ways, bitch, we find ways! there's always something to complain about, like how no one talks to me aim, but i'm on there 24/7...

fuck it, i'm gettin' out of the house! right now! this very moment! it's time to seize the day!

even though i don't know where i'm going, i ain't never scared, no, i ain't never scared! [well, in all actuality, i always am.] time to fly!

reach for the sky, honkey!

apathy and complacency are two different things. i know this because at times i can feel indifferent to anything or everything around me, yet at the same time i never feel content. i can be apathetic, but not complacent. never complacent.

i go out to fill a void that i feel in my life. when i'm actually out of the house the void is gone, but i still feel empty, like time is being wasted.

i enjoy my life the most when it feels surreal, cinematic almost, like taking the car out late at night and the appropriate music comes on the radio, highlighting the barren desolation of my emotional landscape, or standing outside with the sunlight saturating my consciousness with profundity.

still, i refuse to believe i was pre-programmed to be a hermit. i've been reaching out with all of my many arms, like an east indian deity, for anything to save me. that's right, i'm looking to be saved, and i don't feel like i'm coming up short, just that i'm not coming out at all.

the inability to relate to anyone - that, for me, is helplessness. but maybe i'm not looking at it all the right way, maybe i just refuse to admit i'm like anyone else for fear of conformity, or even worse, normalcy. i don't know. i'm a fucking queen.

da catholic boy since age negative 9 months da fetus
neva questioned tha church 'til i acquitted dead jesus
tha twelve year old boy stopped singin' the spiritual
now too lost to care i just dance the habitual

happy easter! whatever that means!