so like i'm at ricky's house right now... ricky and kyle are playing gta: vice city, and jeff and thanh just left to get some skateboards and skate equipment. we're planning to go to bryn mawr and do a little of that gay skate thing, if you know what i mean. none of us have skated for a long time, so it will be funny to see how things work out.

thanh snuck into the famine at the school last night, and someone got caught drunk and shit? you wouldn't believe me if i told you who it was. but i will tell you, if you personally ask me. it's crazy shit.

we've been here at ricky's for a couple hours now, supposedly practicing our quartet piece for the solo/ensemble contest next week. earlier, thanh, jeff, and i had a hankering for some donuts, so we drove over to safeway to pick up some. we ended up walking out of safeway without paying... or rather, THANH walked out without paying.

you know, all this time, thanh hasn't had his license? he hasn't even taken driver's ed, yet i've seen him driving since last year. AND he drives like a madman. picture anthony driving, minus all the tricks, bells, and whistles. thanh makes donuts in the middle of the road, runs into foxes (YES, WE DROVE INTO A REAL, LIVE FOX TODAY!), cuts corners like a drunk race car driver, and has half the car driving in a ditch.

these kids aren't half bad, but i wouldn't want to do this everyday. i'm such a pussy; i freak out when anthony drives in the dark without his headlights, and i don't think i'll ever dare go on a tower music walkout with byron. EMO IS HARDCORE ENOUGH FOR ME.

those donuts were overkill. we bought a gallon of milk, and fuck. i downed tWo glasses of that shit before finishing my last bar. that was binge eating at its worse. i feel pretty goddamn fat now.

so tonight, i hear people are going to anthony's house and shit? and like, it's going to be cool and shit, 'cuz we're just going to hang out and shit? my negro bretheren, that sounds tight and shit.

today's most chill moment: sitting by myself in the sun on the front curb of skyway market, reading a seattle weekly, with all of the renton avenue background noise filtering into my system.

my stomach is growling and my mouth and throat feel thirsty. the kitchen is only a few steps away, but i don't feel like getting out of this chair. the groove i've created for my posterior has molded quite nicely, and i'm dead lazy too.

i never noticed it before, but the word "refresh" has FRESH in it. it makes me wonder how many oversights i've made in my life, like the things i've disregarded that could have actually taken me down a whole different path had i given it further investigation. like, WHAT IF things that disinterest me like physics or country music could actually be some things that i'd want to get into more, had i given myself the chance to look at it deeper or at a different angle. in fact, come to think of it, i do enjoy seeing wormhole theories and such put into cinematic action in movies, and i've taken an interest in alt-country stuff like wilco...

which renders this whole explanation thing RETARDED.

i'll just give up on trying to explain this one. basically, the moral of the story is, DON'T BE SUCH AN OBLIVIOUS AND NAIVE RUBE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. i think really young children have the right idea: explore unfamiliar things without a regard for a zone of comfort and pretentious caution, because the worst you can do crawling on the floor level is stick your finger in an electric socket.

zap.

i am a slug.

this will have to serve as a temporary layout until i actually get some webspace from a gracious person willing to host me. please email me if you or anyone you know is looking for hostees.

since my last post i've written five blog entries on this site and 100%, but blogger keeps fucking up and loses my posts. blogger, if you do it again, I'LL KILL YOU. if you look at me cockeyed, you dumb bitch of a web tool, I'LL KILL YOU. and if you think it's funny that you suck shit so horribly bad, I'LL KILL YOU. you and haloscan are two fuck-ups in the same pod. I'LL KILL YOU BOTH.

last night it was freezing, and in the morning it was cold like the inside of the abominable snowman's asshole. but leave it up to seattle weather for it to change and be nice and sunny and bright and warm and great on the skin. i've lived in this place all my life, and i still don't understand this climate.

my mom got three boxes of girl scout cookies today: two boxes of samoas and one box of "all abouts." i like the all abouts. shortbread with chocolate is like murder, i swear.

i don't really know if i'm excited about track season, which starts next week. i'm seriously planning on doing the long jump, but i can't just focus on one event and so i'll end up doing my distance races. MY DISTANCE RACES, 'ya hear that? running trims the fat off of this boy. if i wasn't running, i'd be a 1,500 pound whale with straight off-white colored teeth and mismatched socks on my feet.

actually, running just keeps me from being GAY, because being around all of those speedy die-hards constantly reminds me what it's like to be in the shoes of a homo. sex. you. all.

yesterday, while we were taking the amc 12 math test i knocked out, and when i woke up i found my hand drenched in my own drool. i drool a lot when i sleep, which is why my brother hates it when i lie in his bed and accidentally doze off.

i caught the last half of ed on nbc last night. it was all in this weird dream sequence, and apparently ed is stuck on a new girl. i need to start watching that show again. even though ed isn't a fabio stud, he manages to get with the girl of his dreams (LITERALLY!) using his people skills and charm. i freakin' love that, yo!

i still haven't seen an episode of the dave chappelle show yet, and from what i hear, it's a damn shame. chappelle is a reason alone to be excited about that program, but the guest stars are enticing as well. rashida jones? mos def? can someone tape it for me? i'm dying here!

sometimes i really wish i could draw, not because i want to be considered more of an ARTEEST, but because it would be cool to conjure up new worlds, starting with the use of a pencil. sometimes i have really vivid images in my mind that i think would be pretty interesting if they were materialized on paper, but i lack the skill to actualize these mental paintings. if i had roger's drawing ability, i'd quit school and focus on honing my skills past their potential.

i finally got photoshop on this computer, so i should be doing something with it to create my site soon. THANKS TO TYREE AND ROGER FOR THE PROGRAM SUPPLY.

this weblog needs to be inspired. girl, i know you can help.

WHY IS IT THAT WE CAN SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON THE TELEPHONE, BUT I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO TALK TO YOU WHEN WE SEE EACH OTHER AT SCHOOL? i sort of love this dynamic.

-

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize

- "do you realize" by the flaming lips

i'm going to write this OLD SCHOOL style, rambling and all! //

i haven't really done much since i last wrote in here... dear old letters to sender. i'm going to really miss the title, as it has really grown on me since... yeah.

life is good. it's not great, but i shouldn't really complain, since there are so many people out there who feel like shit right now. i don't know, maybe i should complain, and drive myself towards a greater level, closer to perfection. or maybe i shouldn't, because when you TRY and change shit like that, it totally doesn't go your way.

i guess i look sad to people at school, when they see me. i guess i'm a somberly d00d by nature, it's just the way i am. it could also be looming tiredness i always feel, a fatigue that isn't enough to fall asleep except during perhaps the most vital period of my day, american studies. i'm so fucking afraid of mr. day calling me out during class that i literally cry a sigh of relief whenever i realize i've dozed off. i don't know why i'm so energized after that class... i'm a complicated paradox only to myself!

jack in the box cheeseburgers like a motherfucker. i'm going to run out of money soon.

as far as today went, i strode my way through a biology test and leaped out of being suspect for looking at "softcore porn," as ms. anderson said. you see, during journalism, i was looking at a webcam portal, and i promptly exited after being tired of the trite gayness of people with webcams. however, i left my computer to go do something, and when i got back mustafa was in my seat looking at the site. after eventually kicking him off, i got a message from ms. mccray's administrative computer, which is in her office down the hall from the journalism lab. the bitch was spying on me, and she had apparently interpreted one of the webcam pictures as inappropriate. once i got the message, i exited out of all my programs, and leaped to the front row computers, telling seth to make me an alibi in case ms. mccray did in fact find out it was me on that computer. on a card of dumb luck, tyree sat where i had just left to avoid any reprecussions of looking at dirty pictures, and so he was mistaken as the culprit of this sad and stupid tale.

what's really funny though, is that the picture in question was only suggestive in material. it had a girl with the button of her pants undone, showing a little of her black underwear, and a post-it note that read "nasty."

hearing ms. anderson call it "softcore porn" made me feel gross, like i was a pervert or something.

AND I WASN'T EVEN ENJOYING THAT CRAP! mustafa, i hope this is bad karma on your part, and i hope that hoping that this is bad karma for you isn't bad karma for me.

AND THANKS TYREE. you could have so easily ratted me out, and said "THERE, OVER THERE, THAT'S THE DIRTY FUCK YOU'RE LOOKING FOR!" but you didn't. you are truly a man of morals.

... haha, yeah right.

i need to write the premise for a two-minute movie that i'm supposed to create in video production... but jesus, i am a dried up well of ideas. I SUPPOSEDLY HAD A PASSION FOR THIS BULLSHIT!?! where did it go?

everything i think of stems into a full-length feature film, and two minutes is the requested length.

fuck.

oh yeah, i'm going to START on the new layout, once i get that photoshop disc from tyree. the absence of photoshop on my computer feels like i'm without a limb!

THERE, OVER THERE, THAT'S THE DIRTY FUCK YOU'RE LOOKING FOR!