i woke up around noon today, and i stuck y tu mama tambien into the dvd player. it was really good, although i want to see the original unedited version - with what i'm guessing has longer sex scenes in it.

my brother baked us a cheese pizza out of the freezer a couple of hours ago, but i could sure go for some pizza hut right now.

i was supposed to help my aunt and uncle move, but my dad was gone when i got up, so i'm here sitting at home doing nothing, waiting for something to happen.

arnold just couldn't disappoint me in collateral damage. what could beat an arnold schwarzenegger film, where he blows shit up, bites off a dude's ear (can anyone say evander holifield, up in this piece?), and cries in the first fifteen minutes of the film?

the big dude has heart.

as much as the simpsons poke fun at him, with the parody character rainier wolfcastle, arnold will and forever be the fucking man. let's think about it, end of days was good, not to mention true lies. my goodness. twins, junior, AND kindergarten cop? also, he's in a lot of the greatest science fiction/fantasy films ever. he was freakin' ice man, for christ's sakes. conan the motherfucking barbarian? THE fuckin' terminator? AND he was in total recall, motherfuckers, do not fucking forget total fucking recall.

and all the other fuckin' movies that guy was in, that i forgot to mention.

oh my god, someone please tell me i didn't just write an ode to freakin' arnold schwarzenegger. collateral damage wasn't that great, actually.

hasta la vista, baby.

i took a nap after eating a mexi-meal at taco time with my dad and brother, and at 4:30 my mom came home, so i woke up. i got her to take us all out to the movie theatre, with the intention of seeing harry potter and the chamber of secrets, because it's been long overdue. unfortunately, the theatre was sold out, so we just went to safeway to go rent some movies.

you say, "safeway? who the hell goes to safeway, just to rent movies?" i say, "we do, muthafuckazzz!"

you see, the thing is, if you have a specific indie-ish type flick that you want to rent, you go to one of the chain video stores. that's why we went to hollywood video yesterday, because we knew what we wanted - at least i did. you can't find relatively obscure films at the grocery store, so you can basically cross out the chances of any mexican cinema to be found in the two-shelf selection at safeway. however, if you want to see the latest mainstream hits, you can't beat 3 new release dvd's for $7.99, not to mention the fact that you can buy yogurt and milk while you're there.

not that we did buy yogurt and milk, but we could've if we wanted to.

the accidental spy isn't a very good movie, but if you can appreciate the fact that jackie chan does kung fu naked, then you might like it.

where the hell is everyone?

i can tell you this, there is none of this dreary fog bullshit up in capital hill.

i just came back from j. paul's apartment, where i've been since 8:45 am to 1:00 am. we read the face change screenplay. though unfinished, it's pretty good. even though my part was fairly small in the tribes 2001 theatrical production, i can't help but feel i have a greater role in the grand scale scheme of things, as far everything concerning tribes. at least, i feel i'm more involved than i should be, and i'm beginning to see the rise in value of my experiences with these people.

jason wong, osiris navarro, kerri thornton, shayna hagstrom, and yvette davenport were definitely representing renton's 2001 cast, today. it was weird to see these people together in one place, and it got me thinking of how much time has gone by since those days where we performed for thousands of people all across the northwest.

apparently seth saldana has been exiled to the philippines, for reasons unknown. i read his character's part today. it was hard... having to speak like a yellow boy/t.f.i. asian thug/charmer/lover.

camrin (franklin 2002) and cynthia "cindybro" brothers (garfield 1999) were the two non-2001 alumni at the reading. i've had some goodtimes with these people too.

while watching some footage of our 2001 show, as well as a promotional tape made for the tribes project, i couldn't help but feel good about what i'm doing with this group.

i can't wait to find my own muse and write/direct/produce my own shit. film-making is the sexyness i need in my life.

missc00lness: anywho how was the party?
joseph guanlao: the party was alright
joseph guanlao: i guess
joseph guanlao: nothing exciting
joseph guanlao: i just wanted to get home

i went to my aunt's house for thanksgiving. i didn't really eat a lot, and i mostly disgusted my cousins with my grotesque sexual jokes and shamelessly morbid humor. that is, if you want to call it humor.

there was really nothing to highlight, with the exception of my cousin lending me his webcam. the quality of the camera isn't so great, but it'll suffice for the time being.

at times, i truly believe that i'm a cut above the rest. at least, i believe that i'm not as squarish as the world around me, and for that sense of pretentious egotism i'm thankful for.

you imbeciles.

just kidding.

or am i?

maybe i'm gay, but i liked the movie serendipity, just for the fact that it tickled my easily manipulated emotions. okay, so maybe saying i liked it is going to far, but it wasn't too bad. john cusack and jeremy piven are two actors on my "cool" list, for sure. i feel like such a girl right now, even though i just saw a movie with so many contrived plot coincidences that i should have puked, if i was sane.

my family also rented the accidental spy, a jackie chan flick. i've forgotten how poorly blind, like most people, my family chooses movies. lucky for me, i got to rent y tu mama tambien, so i'll see how that is tomorrow.

mcdeezy2k2: tomorrow at Dimmitt Middle School, 12 o'clock ...Thanksgiving Day football
joseph guanlao: sorry dude, my family [thanksgiving] festivities start at 1 pm
mcdeezy2k2: ass

last night, i wasted no more than two minutes studying for american studies before i said "fuck this," and immediately proceeded to fall asleep. the thing was, i wasn't even sleepy, and i really did say, "fuck this."

which is why i got a 14 out of 30 on the multiple choice part of the test. i didn't do too well on the essay portion either, but it was more of a lazy "fuck this" mindset than it was "an utter lack of knowledge," as mr. day so quaintly put it the last time i fucked up.

call me comatose.

FUCKING SCHOOL! i know i complain on here a whole lot, but this is where i'm supposed to vent my frustrations. it's better than, per say, taking a fat fucking uzi sub-machine gun and shooting shit as i do sprints down the hallways of renton high school - although i could. it's also better than, per say, shooting myself in the face.

i'm so behind in school right now, it's not even funny - though it is sort of funny that the whole world will be missing out on any valid contribution on my part, since i'll either be serving your super-sized #5 at mcdonald's, or emptying your garbage can every tuesday. i suppose paying rent, eating a sufficient amount of food, and nurturing a heroin addiction aren't things that come cheaply.

but enough about that. somehow, i'll bring myself to lighter spirits by bringing my grades up. somehow.

i kid you not.

-

afterschool, i had a lot of time to kill, so tyree and i went over to the auxiliary gym to spy on the gymnastics team, as they practiced. however, we really didn't do as much spying as we should have, before the wrestling team came out and began their practice, forcing us to leave.

swimming practice was alright. i just wanted to get it over with, because i wasn't in "the swimming mood." whatever the fuck that means. i'm still the worst person on the team, and it may stay that way for a very long time.

after practice, and my brother and i waited for my dad to pick us up from the school. i heard a knocking noise coming out of a red chrysler mini-van. i thought it was someone i knew, so i peered in closely through the tinted windows, and saw a bunch of young, giggling girls. ... weird.

after eating dinner, anthony picked me up, and we went to his house, where brian and roger were already at. brian rented a couple beat kitano flicks, and so we watched sonatine, which was funny in some parts ("no, you are the stupid thing!"), but kikujiro is still my favorite film by kitano, though i've only seen three of his films. roger also brought over the city of lost children, which was good too. i think i still like amelié better, though that may only be because of my affinity for melodramas.

writing this summary of my day made me feel really dirty.

-

i've entitled the following conversation as "un luchador muy estupido yo conozco" (a very stupid wrestler i know).

Mitch RW 103: dude did your spanish clase have popcorn today
joseph guanlao: yeah
Mitch RW 103: wtf was up with that shit
Mitch RW 103: its tasted like fucking cheap mexican perfume or some shit
Mitch RW 103: i can still taste it cause its the last thing i eat

my brother just set seven glasses of water in front of me, because i asked him to. this is fucking dope. now it's just drinking and studying, here on out, until the sun rises!

b.s.

h AAAAAAH nnah: bob saget can go to hell
joseph guanlao: DUDE, BOB SAGET IS THE FUCKING MAN
joseph guanlao: i kid you not
joseph guanlao: i love bob saget
joseph guanlao: have you seen dirty work?
joseph guanlao: he made that film!
h AAAAAAH nnah: no man, bob saget is an asshole...have you seen america's funniest home videos?
h AAAAAAH nnah: that shit sucks
h AAAAAAH nnah: they make you think it's going to be funny
h AAAAAAH nnah: but then it's not

haha! dude, you are so wrong. but all i want to know is, if bob saget is canadian, then why the hell did he host america's funniest home videos?

unless you consider canada part of the americas. haha.

daniel ngyuen, a classmate from renton park elementary school who now goes to lindbergh h.s., is such a funny guy. i love reading his profile on aim (drantholumias), even though i don't talk to him that much. here's his current profile:

DEATH TO THE SAVAGE CONFORMITY SPECIALIST
Hey. You..yea, YOU. The person reading this. I'm talking to you. Yea, you heard me right. I know you heard me. C'mere. Yea, closer. You listening? I'm talking to you, stay put. yea YOU. Listen up. You suck. I dont like you. You disgust me. I dont want to know you, you stereotypical representation of so-called American Beauty. You blonde-haired blue-eyed big-boobed no-ass BayWatch clone thinking Im attracted to you just because your breasts can keep you afloat on the open seas. I despise and loathe you. Your mere presence makes me nauseous. Go away and die somewhere you useless mound of distorted flesh you.

haha, what a fuckin' clown!

another stupid "what if."

a couple months ago in biology class, i was told that the most basic and sole purpose of our existence is to reproduce. luckily, i'm not a nihilist/athiest/existentialist-jerkpiece, and so i didn't internalize the notion so much as to make me depressed. i don't believe in science.

psyche.

today, tyree and i were sitting on the floor of the student commons, eating our lunches. i don't know how it came up, but we started talking about people's asses.

i was like, "dude, we only do the things we do because of ass." tyree was like, "yeah, like just like *******'s ass," and then i was like, "dude, any great piece of ass that inspires you."

seriously, if i ever stop believing in a master plan devised by a heavier being, i might as well shoot myself. i can't just live for ass. it's such an unfulfilling, demeaning, and dissappointing excuse to live. i refuse to believe that is the way it is.

but...

it may just be all this pressure of schoolwork and MY GODDAMN FUTURE that's getting me all riled up. it gets me thinking, "maybe all of this fuss over all of this bullshit is just so i can grab on to something good while i fuck someone new, everyday, when i grow up."

think about it. you only want to become a doctor, just so you can stick you kielbasa sausage into a sucking portal. you only want to create groundbreaking works of art, not to get the world's population thinking, but to get a couple dykes to ride your throbbing johnson. you want to become a millionaire, just because it will take you there.

equally true for virgins, non-virgins, people who contantly get laid, and of course people who don't get shit for their dicks. or twats.

innie or outie, whatever your gift from god may be, you only want to succeed in this world, just so you'll have a sex partner readily available to do that thing that sex partners do. or three sex companions do. or four. or more.

you only think of "tomorrow," because today you've been thinking of your sexual history, and you want to improve it.

and please, don't ever tell me about that "nice guy" bullshit. nice guys are typically the creepiest ones.

not being "nice" doesn't mean you have to forfeit being "real."

i'm real as fuck, yo.

y'all are phonies!

writer's note: after realizing what i've just written, i've drawn the conclusion that this post is so gay! i really didn't mean to write this much about "ass." i should have spent this time writing about the ultimate juice drink that would contain ginseng, vitamin c, d, and a, and that shit dr. jekyll concocted! it would be peach flavored. shaken, not stirred, and fried with gamma rays, just like bruce banner (the incredible fucking hulk, yo!). okay, this isn't THE ultimate juice drink, but we'll just label this juice drink as "ultimate juice drink #1."

sex is yucky.

while listening to cake's fashion nugget.....

today, afterschool, gear-up had a meeting, and so i basically followed my brother there to the cafeteria, knowing that alan lee would be there. alan is my brother's mentor, as well as my good bud from the tribes (i've been flaking on updating the tribes site) 2002 alumni group. there's a ten year difference between me and alan.

i heart tribes.

he'll be done with his schooling next year, so he'll be working at harborview. quite the man; i'm in admiration of him, simply because he's one of the few non-square success stories that i've met. he told me that his volunteer experiences at harborview are a lot like the television show e.r.

way cool!

i ate a slice of pizza on the way to the bus, right before swim practice. my stomach was turning on our way to hazen, but it didn't turn out that bad. actually, i enjoyed today's practice.

today was donald hoang's first practice, and he's already better than me. but it's all good! learning to swim is awesome. i love wearing the flippers; they make me go fast like a fish!

i heart swimming.

6 chapters of tindall & shi[t] / 15 calculus assignments / alllllll of my other classes to worry about, too.

this is not my fucking reality, folks!

as any of my sundays start out, my family and i attended the noon mass at st. anthony's. to me, baptisms are just a reason for people to dress up in front a large congregation, and i could care less who or why people dip their babies in holy water. the priest spoke of today as "the most important day of their lives," for the babies, just because they got baptised today.

i don't even know the date of my own baptism, but may just as well be ignorance on my part.

after church, i wasted so much time online, staring blankly at the computer screen. it's an obscenely unhealthy way to spend my time, i know, but it's my routine. it's within my comfort zone. it's all i know.

normally, i don't really give a fuck about my birthday. sure, i get some money and perhaps a sweater or two from relatives, but i could care less.

oh geez, i'm a year older from my last birthday; the earth went all the way around the sun, refuckingjoice.

however, i'm just looking forward to this year's birthday, for a couple of reasons. firstly, it'll be a saturday, which means i won't have to be in prison (school). secondly, my birthday is an incentive for ahh-mee to chill with me, on a saturday.

that may sound totally gay to some of you, but that's fucking righteous in my eyes.

get well soon, amy.

after being online for god knows how long, it was 5 o'clock when linda and derek started badgering me about our calculus session tonight. after watching what was a very disappointing rerun episode of smallville, my mom took me over to rj's.

right when i got there, everyone was on the topic of us dropping the class. i've always thought independent study calculus has been a fruitless, uneducating endeavor, but i never really thought about dropping the class until then. after moping around for a while, while eating some of rj's grandmother's yummy lumpia, we all decided on a burst of spontaneity to go somewhere fun.

we all loaded into derek's ford explorer, and drove up to philip arnold's park. we swang on the swings, and got sick because we had just eaten. after swinging, we made a great big leaf pile out of the brown/dead leaves on the playground, and then we took turns jumping over it.

i love to jump.

out of nowhere, kim spots a yellow flashing light, and if it was a renton park's department security officer, i don't know, because we just ran for it. i yelled "duck!" but everyone decided running was a better idea. some of us nearly fell as we ran off a ledge toward's derek's car, and once we got inside, derek barely got us out of the parking lot, when his car battery suddenly died. luckily, it wasn't really dead, and we sped off, derek taking "the longer and more exciting" way, supposedly giving us a more exhilirating ride.

you're not supposed to be out in king county parks after dusk.

we didn't learn out lesson, and so we drove to talbot hill. we walked on to the bridge/crosswalk that over looks the road towards rj's house, as cars sped under it, wobbling the structure. it was pretty cool. i tried spitting on cars, but i had pretty shitty timing.

they let me drive back to rj's. i'm not very good at driving yet, and i'm supposed to be taking my driver's test in a month!

once we got back, i reverted to my depressed state. at that point, my mind was completely devoid of motivation to do any work. at that point, i knew for sure that i had lost all knowledge of the meaning of "diligence."

it had simply left my vocabulary.

if you could sum me up in one word, it would be "underachiever." at this point in my life, at least. rj and i got to talking, and it's clearly evident that my fucking-up will lead me to the thing i fear most: mediocrity.

mediocre joe-er.

i don't know if i can pull myself out of the holes i dig. everyday, they just keep getting deeper and deeper, and more and more do i lose sight of the sun, or natural light for that matter.

it's either i become a rockstar, or a groundbreaking film-maker, otherwise i die with a malcontent frown on my face. surely, i could be a pharmacist, doctor, computer programmer, drug dealer, but all of those are just lives that i couldn't truly live. i'd be pretending to be someone else.

fame has to be in my name, or i'm no one at all.

it's probably an inferiority complex, where i have to believe that i'm better than everyone else, and that i deserve a certain spotlight. but if i explain everything i do as a diagnosed "complex," then everything would just be fake and meaningless. existentially, there would be no point to improving myself.

so, i don't know. things are really fucked up right now, and being the drama queen is all that feels natural right now. maybe i just need some rest.

on the way home, i told kim that i want to drop journalism next semester. i'm not a journalist, that's for sure. to be honest, i don't really care about the paper as much as some of the other people do. i care about the writing, but at times, it doesn't feel right. i'm not used to being taught a writing style, since writing was always a natural thing for me. ms. zuckerman believed in me, and in believing in myself, things flowed out of me in the necessary and appropriate structure.

journalistic writing is hard, and i am one to give up easily.

although, i figure i can't be mad at the world forever. i guess i'm just waiting to be acknowledged by gee-oh-dee, waiting with hope that something divine will pick me up out of the gutter, and carry me on their shoulers to a room full of diamonds and love.

basically, i don't live in reality, and no matter how many times my world gets turned upside-down, it'll never be rightside-up.

this is where i break down and cry, in a dark empty room.

i made my name into slogans, using the advertising slogan generator. some of them are pretty stupid, and some are worth my time to take a magic marker, and write the slogan on the garter of my underwear.

Don't You Just Love Being In Joseph?
Hands That Do Dishes Can Be Soft As Your Joseph.
The Joseph of Champions.
You'll Never Put A Better Bit Of Joseph On Your Knife.
Stimulation for Body and Joseph.
Does She or Doesn't She? Only Her Joseph Knows for Sure.
It's How Joseph Is Done.
Would You Give Someone Your Last Joseph?
Cleans Your Floor Without Joseph.
Make Joseph Yours.
Any Time, Any Place, Joseph.
The Joseph Sign Means Happy Motoring.
Men Can't Help Acting On Joseph.
Moms Like You Choose Joseph.
The Joseph Bars Are On Me!
How Do You Eat Your Joseph?
Biting the Hand that Feeds Joseph.
Get The Joseph Out.
You've Got Questions. We've Got Joseph.
Have a Break. Have a Joseph.
Happiness is Joseph-Shaped.
The Joseph of your Life.
Drinka Pinta Joseph A Day.
A Curiosly Strong Joseph.
Gotta Lotta Joseph.
Who Would You Have A Joseph With?
Melts In Your Joseph, Not In Your Hand.
For That Deep Down Body Joseph.

this is why my online time is mainly spent in narcisistic endeavors, instead of homework. rather than taking anger management classes, i need to look into self-therapy, or getting the arrogance beat out of me by a giant mexican wrestler named el luchador del muerto.

i am the vain anti-hero!