i
want
to
make
some
love
to
the
fucking
sky

represent!

for all the bitches that scream, "i need attention, yo!"

i feel your pain, but i ain't diggin' your approach!

"maybe it would be nice if you cleaned up your room" - mom.

me duele mi estomago porque comé mucho helado.

MY track season is over, and it feels like my clockwork-complacency is already kicking in. i don't have to run anymore!

actually, i'll miss the after-school comradery and daily fitness of being on the track team. in review, i actually wish i had ran on the long runs, because i could have, but didn't due to the swaying peer pressure of seth and larry. you'd be amazed. larry will call you a faggot if you run far. what the fuck?

i'm glad for those guys like devin and mustafa who're coming up in the running game. today, on our way home after-school, mustafa looked at the unleaded gas price at arco and recognized a running statistic. that's sick!

or not.

but yeah, it's all over now. i'm not even tired right now. i think i'll run in the summer, even if i decide to not run cross country next year. it just keeps me in shape, and balances out my fat-person diet. my dad was a skinny guy when he was young, but then he got fat when he married my mom, and then he got skinny again when he got diabetes. that's a little bit of my genetic history for 'ya!

although i think i get a lot of my metabolic traits from my mom, and her dad was a skinny, skinny guy. don't get me wrong, gramps ate a lot, but it disappeared out of his body like magic.

like fucking magic! *poof* and it was all gone! i think i have more muscle mass on my upper body than my grandfather had on his whole frame in the late years of his life, when i last remember him.

hey, if i'm going to be superficial, i might as well deconstruct it to a biological answer, right?

-

oh yeah, the ap american studies test is. out. of. my. way. and will be long forgotten until kingdom comes forever and ever AMEN!

with this ap bullshit and track thing out of the way, i'll have more time to concentrate on things that are important to me, like being right about everything and everyone.

psyche.

do you love me, oh fair reader, do you want to wear my love like heaven?

i can't stand the narrative voices on these tutorial cd's anymore. fuck this bullshit. WHO NEEDS AMERICAN HISTORY WHEN YOU'RE AN IDIOT ANYWAY.

that all-city track meet is tomorrow. since i don't qualify for the league meet, this will be my last track meet for this season. i'm getting happy just thinking about it. track has given me an appreciation for my sweet, lazy time during the off-season.

summer is coming baby, and it's calling my name!

three flavors of ice cream in the freezer... i'll get to that in a minute.

all of these stupid tests for college are fucking gay and expensive. ever since i talked to molly today about college stuff i've began to wonder about the so-called college fund i discovered was in existence as a child. i don't even know if i have any of that money invested for college anymore, since the stock market gets fucked in the ass all the time, and though attentive and observant of stocks and bonds and mutual funds my dad isn't a prodigy of wall street. you could say we've been very unlucky, as far as i can tell, though i'm not really sure anymore since my parents don't tell me anything and i've never been allowed large spending-spree cash flow in my life. also, i basically threw any good chances for academic scholarships out the window with my bad, bad make-me-look-like-i-don't-know-shit grades. financial aid may still be an option, as well as loans, but i'm really counting on making my pre-adulthood swan lake, the cinematic masterpiece that will catapult me into national attention, granting opportunities into prestigious film school programs.

and yes, i am fucking serious about that. someday there will be a total revolution in my writing, with better writing conventions and ideas at my finger tips, abling me to manifest that goddamn work that will set the rest of my life on course. it sounds like an avalanche, and it should, because i've always been about get-rich-quick schemes and shortcuts. of course, i've got to change that.

maybe this blog, which is one of the few things i pay constant attention to, will allow me to reflect on who and what i've become, and all that i am not - subject matter for the movie blender.

on a broad-scale view, it all seems like a great idea to me, but the more i try to flesh it all out, the more i think my mind is just rudimentary mush right now, escalating and translating my unrealistic boyhood fantasies into genuine yet mistakenly passioned ambition.

i don't know how the word "confidence" fits into my creedo.

it's no longer a question of whether or not i'm entitled to becoming this person i want to be, it's a question of whether or not i'm willing to end this endlessly long blog entry, much'a'do about nothing.

except my life.

maybe i should think about curing cancer. when i was young, after wanting to become a ninja and ruling the world, curing cancer was third on my list. it didn't seem so hard back then.

then again, i thought i was jesus for a week.

this layout is beginning to piss me off. i don't play the drums, i play the violin. i need to change it.

the passé statement "i hate stupid bitches" just about sums up everything that's going through my head right now, even though i don't really hate anyone in particular.

this american studies bullshit can and should make a person feel like a stupid bitch. in the event that it does, believe me, i will be laughing.

today ben wrote a blog on laughter. i love to laugh. laughing is great.

stress stinks. nowadays even masturbation ceases to be a source of relief, and it bugs me that i can't remember the last wet dream i've had. i don't think i've ever had a wet dream, unless you count the ones where i'm drowning in the ocean. all of my recent dreams have personified and amplified my stress into weird characters and situations, and what sucks is that there's no actual fucking going on in any of them. if i wrote them down and described them, they wouldn't seem as cool to me. somethings just don't look great on paper, like love and cartoon-style panda bears. or is it the opposite?

i got a tetanus shot today.

i have to learn a few more things about american history before i can feel confident about winging the american studies test this friday. shit!

what's up with getting wasted this saturday? we can be sober AND STILL play tag.

omfg! yeah right!

mr. rogers got an asteroid named after him.

this afternoon i ate so much chinese food and slept so good afterwards that i've got a gut and a half waiting to be zapped off with some aerobic excercise, except i'm not running anymore, not track at least.

and doing crunches is out of the question!

i went to my cousin's first communion today, and i must say, there were a couple of qualifiable m.i.l.f.'s.

i feel so alive...

even after being in a car wreck, p.o.d. still sucks. and what the hell was kurt cobain's problem? such a downtrodden fellow!