spinach leaves
croutons
turkey pieces
peppercorn dressing

ONE CRAZY ASS SALAD.

while at fred meyers with rj and anthony last night, i ran into joe simpson. i haven't seen his hippie-ass in like, forever. he's still the lead singer of his band and whatnot. that encounter just really got me thinking about all of the people in my life that have seemingly passed through... there have been some unmentioned that have profoundly affected me... in some ways, it gives me strength in knowing that... we are all still here, though not necessarily in the same place or area or state or country or plane or dimension...

and here i was, all this time, complaining about shit i have no business complaining about.

all my life i've been led to believe my life is shitty. my parents have always given me the notion that there will always be something better out there, something greater than what i've come to experience under their care. added with the fact that i've had some sort of feeling that i'm a starving artist, in an unseen sort of way, i've always felt an opposing force by the world. by comparison, however, to lots of other shit that kids my age go through, i am living in a television family, the kind that is putridly non-dysfunctional, the kind you should hate.

i don't want to rub in the misfortunes of others by saying my life is just too fucking good, because i'm not, but it is what it is. i think i've been totally ungrateful for everything, and i need to just pull my fucking head out of the fucking wood chipper.

people have it way worse than me. i've said before that my dad is an asshole, but that's just my teenage angst talking. it's not real pain that my dad causes, or, at least, it's not the same degree of pain that other fathers induce. my dad just fucks with my head, but he's never really tried to physically hurt me, and he's not at all manipulative.

i love my parents, but it's time for me to go.

maybe i don't have any money, or a genius-fucking i.q., but i've got enough of what i need to make something out of myself. it's about time i stopped wasting space and time and everything else that i've taken for granted. a lot of people say i should be smarter than i am, try harder than i do, and snap out of my fucking apathy. i can count all of the fucking pep talks on more than one hand, but maybe they're right.

i'm sorry if all of this is too vague for you to understand. i realize it had no flow. if i were to make specific examples out of anything here, i'd hurt a lot of people i know. just talk to me if you want to talk.

i'm sorry you can't relate.